(Editor's note: Deb Sanders - Past President and current mainstay of the Houston EWGA Chapter - was deployed to Iraq in March.  Determined that she not miss a beat back here at home, her Houston posse has procured an alter ego to fill in for Deb at our EWGA events (as well as other opportunities) until Deb returns safely home to us.  These are the chronicles of  "Li'l Deb.")

Update 19Apr2008:  From attending the Shell Houston Open and spending nights out on the town, this is the worst idea yet.  They have strapped me into this stinking pink golf cart with no possible escape in the foreseeable future.  Overheard the plans for today, and I am to participate in a golf tournament being held at Cypress Lakes.  It will be good to spend time with friends and catch a few rays.  Unfortunately, I must also participate in an interview with one of the Chapter members.

Robin Anderson - So, Li'l Deb, you are the alter ego of Deb Sanders.  How does one go about preparing for that kind of assignment?

Li'l Deb - Let's get one thing straight.  I am the PRIMARY ego.  Deb Sanders is the alter ego.

RA - Uh... okay.  So how do you feel about having the opportunity to travel around as an ambassador to all of these events in "Big Deb's" place?

LD - It wouldn't be so bad except for the golfing events.

RA - Why is that?

LD - They strap my cart on TOP of one of the golf carts and then forget that I'm up there!  It's difficult to hold on when these women drivers are bouncing the cart all over the course and taking corners as fast as the cart will allow them to.  I nearly got dumped into the sand today.  Big Deb is doing the "sand" thing.  I shouldn't have to.

RA - But you still get to be out at the golf course enjoying the sunshine and the camaraderie.  Doesn't it make you feel good that your friends want you to be with them?

LD - Of course it does!  But if they had any gumption, they'd let me out of the cart to hit a few golf balls.

RA - But you're only 12 inches tall.  Don't you think...

LD - DO NOT GET IN MY FACE ABOUT MY HEIGHT!!!   I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT YOU MERE MORTALS CAN DO!!!  IF THERE IS ONE THING I CAN'T STAND, IT'S A TALL WIMP LIKE YOU TRYING TO TELL SOMEONE OF MY STATURE THAT I'M TOO SMALL TO DO SOMETHING!!  DO NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE WITH ME AGAIN!!!!!

RA - My apologies!  I'll do better.   So... uh, you have a set of golf clubs?

LD - Yes, but only three.  However, no one thought to get me golf shoes or gloves or sunglasses.  The only thing besides this golf cart that resembles golf is this non-matching brim they put on me.  I could go on and on about the neglect, but I don't like to complain.

RA - Of course not.  Not you.

LD - But do you know what really burns me?

RA - Please tell us.

LD - Allison Hutson spent so much time preparing for this tournament and there is all of this FOOD - and I didn't get to play OR eat.  Half of the ladies played competitive and the other half fun play, and I didn't have an opportunity to win any of the prizes.  Just what are they afraid of?

RA - Uhmmm... did you bother to go online and sign up?  You know, we have the capability now to sign up AND pay online.  Maybe you should've...

LD - DO THESE HANDS LOOK LIKE THEY ARE CAPABLE OF STRIKING THE KEYS ON A COMPUTER?  LOOK AT THIS!!!  I CAN'T EVEN SEPARATE MY FINGERS!!!!!

RA - Good point.  Sorry.  I guess your friends didn't think of that. What other things are you doing besides golf?

LD - I think I'm going to the River Walk in San Antonio tomorrow. Hoping to eat a little Mexican food and throw back a margarita or two.  With any luck, they'll let me out of this stinking cart long enough to dip my toes in the river.

RA - Oooooo... have you ever SEEN the water in the river along the river walk?  Your tiny toes might dissolve if you dip them in.

LD - AGAIN WITH THE BIT ABOUT MY SIZE!!!!  I TOLD YOU...

RA - Okay... okay... okay... I'm sorry.  It's just that I'm not sure I'd dip MY toes into the river.

LD - Doesn't surprise me.  As I've mentioned, you look like a bit of a wimp.

RA - I get that a lot.

LD - Doesn't surprise me.

RA - Will you be joining us for the Chapter Championship on May 3rd?

LD - I'll be there, but I did not have time to establish a handicap, so I won't be competing.  Maybe I'll sign up for fun play or volunteer.  You said that I could sign up online?

RA - Right... for either the Championship, fun play or the golf clinic.  Is there anything else that you want to say before our time is up?

LD - First, this Cypress Lakes thing was a classy event, and I'm glad I got to come.  Stephanie Flower won low gross in the competitive flight and Donna Choate won low net.  The course was pretty tough, so they must've played very well.  There was a drawing for door prizes at the end, so even a wimp like you could win something.  It was also great seeing all the new members participating.  I think I even saw a few board members.

RA - Yeah, the Board members are excited about this year and getting out to the events.

LD - Excuse me?  Did you just interrupt me?

RA - Oops.  Sorry.

LD - To continue, the course was in great shape, and the weather could NOT have been better.  Looking at you, I would suggest a little more sunscreen on your face and little less on your legs.  What color do you call that? Alabaster??   Also, I want to say that Big Deb appreciates all of the notes and thoughts and prayers that are being sent her way.  You can contact Deb at Pargirldeb@yahoo.com.  Deb loves meeting new people.

RA - Well, Li'l Deb, I appreciate the time you've spent with me today.  I understand that the ladies who played here would like a photo opp with you. Do you mind if we get your picture?

LD - The folks I work with in the witness protection program don't advise it, but I don't think anyone would recognize me with this crew.  I blend in pretty good.  Sure.  Let's do this picture thing.  But hurry.  I have places to go and things to do!  Hopefully, someone is going to FEED me before the day is over.

RA - Right.  Li'l Deb, thank you for your time and your comments.  We can't wait for Big Deb to get back home to us.

LD - And exactly what is THAT supposed to mean?

RA - Oh brother!

Installment 2